Sometimes in love and war, you have to play dirty. I just never expected that it would go this far…
Hi there board,
I’m new to Confess. I’m not really sure how this works, but I’ve been a bad girl and need to confess to my sins. Is there anyone there?
I saw your post last night. Feel free to confess to me. I’m a naughty night owl and I’m here to listen.
And that’s how my relationship with X started. Four months ago, my two best friends and I created a pact. We decided to join dating apps and lie about our careers and backgrounds to get fancy dinners and gifts. It was only meant to be for fun, but twenty-five thousand dollars and a Cartier watch later, I’m ready to redeem myself. That’s why I joined Confess, an online confession board.
I never expected to meet someone like X. We graduated from emails to phone calls, but we both agreed to no photos and no video chats. That way we could confess our sins without fear of being judged, turned in, or embarrassed if we ever met in person. It started with him giving me advice and then the light flirtation began. It’s crazy, but I think I’m falling for his deep voice without even knowing what he looks like.
Then everything begins to change when I start my new job with the boss from hell. X’s advice keeps getting me into trouble and I start to wonder who he really is and if he’s trying to help or hinder me.
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“Forgive me father, for I have sinned. It has been 10 years and 13 days since my last confession. These are my sins.”
I stared at myself in the mirror and groaned. There is no way I was about to go to confession. Just no way. I couldn’t imagine telling a priest everything that I’d done in the last six months. I couldn’t imagine seeing his face though granted, I wouldn’t actually see his face because I’d be in a confession booth, but I could just imagine what his face would look like. If I told him and I couldn’t bear the shame. I sighed and looked at my watch. 30 minutes until I was going to meet my best friends at a restaurant.
I was excited of course because we always had fun when we went out to eat, even though we didn’t really have money to go out to eat. But, that was a problem for another day. I heard my phone beeping and I grabbed it. It was my best friend, Rachel. I read the message quickly.
“Hey, Chica, I’m here already. Can you get here early?”
“Haven’t even got dressed yet so I don’t think so. Have you spoken to Liz?”
Rachel responded quickly.
“Liz is on a date. She said she’s going to be late.”
“Ooh, wow. A real date or a date from the app.”
“What do you think?” Rachel said a smiley emoji icon attached to her text.
I groaned and rolled my eyes. What had our life become? Just six months ago we were three normal adventurous, engaging, beautiful, 21 year old girls. And now, well now we were the sort of girls that you’d seen a Lifetime movie and not the good ones either. How had we gotten into this place. Though I suppose it could have been a lot worse. At least we weren’t prostitutes or escorts. Though Rachel was coming pretty close. I chewed on my lower lip. I didn’t even want to ask her about the last guy she’d met. Oliver, she’d said his name had been and he’d been 45 years old. I didn’t even know her age range was that high. 45? There’s no way I would date a guy that was 45. At least the guys that I was meeting were maximum 30 years old. And even then 30 was kind of old as I was only 21, but it wasn’t for me to judge. I took a deep sigh. What was I doing with my life?
My phone beeped again. Rachel had text.
“Can you please get here quickly? I hate sitting at bars by myself.”
“Then don’t sit at the bar.” I responded. “Grab a table.”
“It’s not any better to sit at a table by myself. It’s almost worse because then I can’t talk to the cute bartenders.”
I could almost see Rachel’s face as she text that. She was a huge flirt, a much bigger flirt than Liz and definitely a much bigger flirt than me. In fact, I wasn’t even a good flirt at all. I was surprised that I’d been so successful on the dating app, but I guess guys were dumb. And, if you had a good story to tell them then, well, they believed it. My phone started ringing and I groaned, of course Rachel would win.
“Hey, Rachel. What’s going on?”
“I’m just wondering where you are.”
“I told you I’m at home and I’m still getting ready.”
“Don’t make me come home and get your ass.”
She started giggling.
“Rachel, really?” I laughed.
Rachel and Liz were also my roommates. We lived in a one bedroom apartment on the upper West side. And, as much as I love them, I loved it when I was home alone and didn’t have to deal with them. We made the apartment work, but it didn’t work that well. That’s why we’d all come up with the plan in the first place. But, I’m starting to realize that the plan we’d come up with it was making me feel Marley deficient. I mean, we’d have good reasons for coming up with it. But, the things we said and the things we did are really making me start to think that I didn’t really like who I was as a person.
“Oh my gosh. Lily, are you there?”
“Sorry, girl. I was just…”
“You were daydreaming. I know. That’s all you ever do.”
“That’s not all I ever do, but, yes, I was thinking that maybe I should go to confession.”
“Are you joking?” Rachel started laughing. “You’re not even Catholic.”
“Yes, I am Catholic. Remember I went to church all the time. I went to Catholic school as a kid.”
“Oh yeah. I guess I forgot.”
“Really? How could you forget that? We’ve had long conversations about me being a Catholic school girl and feeling that’s why I suck with guys.”
“You don’t suck with guys. You suck guys.”
I knew she was laughing.
“Anyway, hurry up. I’m on my second drink already. And I don’t want to be drunk by the time you guys get here because who knows? I might leave with a guy and then you’ll think that I’m a flake.”
“Are you going to chat some guy up tonight or are you actually wanting to hang out with me and Liz?”
“Girl, of course I’m going to want to hang out with you and Liz. That’s why I set up this evening date, right?”
“I guess. Is that really why you set it up?”
“Yeah. I haven’t seen you girls in so long and well, you know.” She paused.
“I wanted to check in and see how everyone is doing with everything, we’ve all been so busy what with school and our plan.”
“Yeah, I guess that’s true.”
I let out a deep sigh.
“Okay. I was going to shower, but I guess I won’t now. I’ll just change my clothes and put on some lipstick and I’ll be there in 15.”
“Sounds great, Lily. You’re the best.”
“I don’t know about that girl, but I try my best.”
I hung up quickly and put the phone down. I stared at my reflection in the mirror again and I wasn’t sure I liked what I saw. I looked the same, of course, big brown eyes, long brown, wavy hair, thick eyebrushes, thick eyebrows, long eyelashes. I look the same, but I didn’t feel the same. I felt guilty and I felt bad and I knew that Rachel and Liz didn’t really have the same sort of conscience that I did. At least if they did, they weren’t making it obvious.
My phone pinged again and I rolled my eyes.
“Oh my God, Rachel.” I said out loud, “Give me a break.”
I looked down it wasn’t Rachel. It was Charles. I groaned even louder. Charles was a guy I met off the dating app two weeks ago and he was persistent, really persistent. I picked up my phone to read his message.
“Hey there, Mary Beth. How did the modeling shoot go in Milan? Excited to see the pictures.”
I rubbed my forehead. I hated lying, but I dug my own grave.
“Actually, I’m in Roma right now about to head to Napoli as I want to see Pompeii and a couple of the other models and I are going.” I hit send quickly. I couldn’t believe how easily the lies had come out of my fingers.
“Oh, wow. That sounds amazing. I’ve always wanted to see Mount Vesuvius.” He responded back quickly.
I rolled my eyes.
“I’d love to send you some flowers to your hotel. Can you give me the address?”
“Oh, we’re staying at a friend’s house. Some designer, Italian. I’m not sure of the address.” I responded quickly.
I saw that he was typing a response and I wondered if I should just block him.
“Oh, I was wondering how you liked the watch that I got you?”
I stared at his message, guilt pouring through me. Charles was the reason why I wanted to go to confession. The $10,000 Cartier watch that he’d gotten me was the most expensive gift I received so far after being on the dating app. Granted it had helped pay our rent this month, but it still felt bad. He thought I was a top model and I was nothing but a student who’d once walked in a catwalk show in my local mall when I was in high school.
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